First Drabble Ever

[lady_karelia]

Well. I suppose it's a scene rather than a drabble, being way over 100 words. Not beta-read, either, as I'm not sure if I'll post it anywhere else. Concrit gratefully received.


Like you said, I’m deluded

"Severus... If you liked a girl, what would you do?"

"What do you think I'd do? I'd keep it to myself, since she would never reciprocate my feelings!" he said impatiently, without hesitation, busy stirring the potion.

"But... Severus.... If she liked you, too, and you'd never asked her, you might miss a real chance here!"

"Hermione! Get real! The only girl going for me would have to be seriously deluded! And I would be highly unlikely in that case to reciprocate her feelings! Kindly grant me some taste!"

"I guess I am seriously deluded then. Although... oh. Never mind," said Hermione dejectedly. "Forget it." She made for the door.

"Hermione!" He was at her side in a split second. "What are you saying?"

She looked away from him, admiring one more time the beautiful path that led from the street to his front door. "Nothing. Just curious. Like you said, I'm deluded," she replied, looking everywhere but at him.

Her urge to always be truthful, no matter what, took over, and she let out a deep sigh. "I guess, what I want to say, Severus, is... what I want to say... Oh fuck. I'm in love with you, alright? I don't know how to say it any other way, and quite frankly, as you know, I'm not a Slytherin. I'm a Gryffindor, and I'm blunt. So there! I am in love with you. Now go screw yourself." She made to move away, away from him, away from that eternal embarrassment she just got herself into, away from everything, but he grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to turn around.

"I think not," he said slowly. "How about... get back inside and we'll talk about that?"

She looked at him incredulously. "You want to talk about it?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, I'd rather show you what I feel for you, Hermione," he drawled and took her hand to pull her back inside.

Once back inside, he simply slammed the door before bending down to capture her mouth. It wasn't quite the same as being kissed by Ron. It was better. It was full of passion. It was... life.

Comments

[hogwartshoney.livejournal.com]

Me likey! Know what? that pic you have of Snape over there <---------- is the exact expression I imagine he'd have when he says "I think not".... *snerk*
How was his night with you?

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you do :-)
Yeah, I had that expression of his in mind, I think. *points_at_icon* like that?
The night was w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l., thanks for asking.

[hogwartshoney.livejournal.com]

Yes, the icon is perfection. *should steal*

I figured that Sev deserved a night of musical interlude before returning to Hogwarts and the dungeons. Poor man, snarkywench_64 and I ran him ragged last week with our relentless memeage. He was running from dungeon to dormitory and back and forth... no wonder he collapsed!!! *flicks fingernails* You did us all a service, my dear, and now he can resume his *ahem* position as head of the 24-step recovery programme

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

Feel free to take it, LOL.

*Ahem* Excuse me. I never had the impression last night that he collapsed recently. And no, he shan't resume his *ahem* position as head of the 24-step recovery programme. Not yet, anyways. *mutters_incoherently_about_snide_comments*

[hogwartshoney.livejournal.com]

*bats eyelashes innocently*

Didn't you know that he is the head of the 24-step Memetakers Anonymous Program? Patty and I are charter members and habitually slip off the wagon. The punishments are most .... effective! *wink*

concrit as you requested

[shafqata.livejournal.com]

Kindly grand me some taste
should read
grant me some taste

I guess I am serious deluded
should read
seriously deluded

i think!!!!!! i might be wrong tho' good start

Re: concrit as you requested

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

Thanks, darling. You were right. I think. I changed it accordingly.

[veradee.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's very nice. I can certainly understand Hermione's embarrassment. It must be very difficult to tell Snape that one loves him.

The following doesn't have anything to do with your drabble in particular but is a general remark. Personally, I don't like them that much because I often think that 100 words (or 200 for that matter) are not enough for characterising the characters properly. I have read many drabbles with the characters being named Snape and Hermione, but the scene was so short that I couldn't help feeling that it could have been anyone.

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Uh, yes, I totally understand her embarrassment, too...
And I'm with you generally where drabbles are concerned. Which is why I posted this only to LJ and not any archive. ;-)

[(Anonymous)]

You call this 'fluffy'?!! *snigger* But you got the point across, considering the word limit; love the wording at the end, nice touch.
Lady J xxx

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I do. And I stand by it. Unless you mean to say that I ever posted anything more fluffy.
And thank you for liking the end.
I guess I'm gonna have to write something seriously fluffy for you, eh?
"Not bloody likely," said Snape, scowling.

[(Anonymous)]

'Aaawww, why not?' she whined. 'Pretty please, with sugar on it and a great big glass of the best red on the side?!'
Lady J xxx

[lady-karelia.livejournal.com]

"Lady J, kindly contain yourself," he sneered. "You know very well I have no fondness of sugar." He looked at her calculatingly. "Although, to be perfectly honest, I find the offer of a great big glass of the best red very tempting."
Inspecting the bottle of 1998 oak-aged Rioja she held tantalisingly out in front of him, he sighed. "You might have a deal," he conceded.

[(Anonymous)]

*Heh-heh* Waddaya know, I can be deviously persuasive after all...
Lady J x